Random Evil
by InfectedCandid
Summary: Title, not so good. Anyway, these will just be any random ideas I get towards Resident Evil. Most of which poking fun at, or just parts of conversations I've had with people about a particular subject mixed in. Rated T - Just in case.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or any variation thereof. All I own are my ideas.**_

**So, this is going to be where I put literally any Resident Evil crack ideas I get. Some will be crossovers, some will not be. More than likely they won't have a storyline to it, but if they do it will all be in the same chapter unless specifically stated. Some things within may seem odd or unnatural, but that will be all part of the story. I have to thank my good friend and 'brother', whom I shall name as Kadiro here, due to the fact a lot of the inspiration I get for these will probably be coming from him. So, thanks! Hehe.**

* * *

The hulking, lizard-like figure twitched, its yellow slit eyes glinting in the faint overhead light of the concrete room. Ahead of it stood more of its kind, all seemingly arguing in their native tongue. Tails swished with irritation, scales grazing against the cold stone below.

Suddenly, the sound of unbelievably sharp claws tearing into the concrete snapped them out of their heated debate, and the Head Hunter waited for all the screeching to quiet down. When all was quiet, or at least enough so, he turned back to the group. It seemed to huff with annoyance at the ignorance of his group. No wonder they were always getting killed! It was time to make a new plan to fight off survivors.

"Now then..." He began, his voice scathing even among Hunters. His eyes darted around the room, almost daring his companions to speak, before he began again. "We are always thwarted in some way by our prey. Right?" Faint growls laced in icy hate was his only response, encouraging him to get on with the point he was trying to make. Naturally, he would have, with or without said encouragement.

"Right... Well, we should come up with a plan of attack, just like they seem to. We're not the stupid animals they seem to believe us to be. It's time to act. We won't go jumping to our deaths next time!" At those words, his companions screeched in agreement, their voices all being muffled by another's.

However, one voice in particular did manage to break through the crowd. "And just how are we going to do this?" After the realization hit, all of the humanoid-lizards calmed down, staring blankly at the Head Hunter. What would they do? Even their leader seemed at a loss for words for the moment, deep in thought. Finally, his view snapped right back up.

"We'll figure things out how the prey does. When we were first in those cages. Remember some of the white clothed prey were staring at those 'books', they called them? They always seemed to know something after doing so. We can do the same thing."

"But we can't understand their-"

"We can do the same thing!" The leader huffed, more than a little adamant on his decision. Whatever prey can do, they could do better. They were superior. With a swish of his tail, the gathered group were herded together and led through the abandoned area.

* * *

The room around them was cramped, even for smaller creatures. Let alone the group of large, reptilian beasts. Already they were constantly feeling claustrophobic, snapping at each other and whipping whomever was closest with their tails, rough scales pressing into dark green flesh. Again, the leader's eye twitched in annoyance - he was so tempted to rear out and claw them all in the face. Maybe then they'd pay attention to the bounded item in front of them. After all, that's what they had come for in the first place!

"Would you all quiet down!" He growled sharply, clenching hooked claws into his scaly palm. Luckily, the group slowly did, although obviously grudgingly. Close quarters were not to their liking at all. They were like... Well, trapped animals.

The leader leaned forward over the mangled wood ahead. It had once been something his prey sat at, observing their trinkets or eating their own food. Now, however, remained only a single dusty object - a book. The cover was tattered and worn after all of the times it had been used previously, not that the Hunters cared. A thick claw turned the cover, although a few pages were torn out after the force.

The creatures gathered as they could around the table, all leering down at the old, yellowing pages. Many seemingly random numbers and letters came together, spelling out words and equations. Something about a 'Parabola' was listed above an arch on a graph. The only thing the Hunters understood was the arch.

"That's how we jump... Usually. Right?" One of the Hunters beside the leader hissed under its breath. Had their prey been trying to copy them? They sure didn't jump that well, after all.

"Right. ... What are all these... Things around it? Under it?" The Leader slowly traced over the pages, indicating to the letters. Unfortunately, the claw was digging a few lines into the paper itself, making it even less eligible. The Hunters all started looking to each other for answers, but no one had any idea. They couldn't read, after all.

After staring down at the page for another few minutes, the Leader screeched, "Forget it! We attack from the vents!" And with those final words, the group scattered... Now trying to find vents that they could force their bulky bodies into.


End file.
